


The Final Countdown

by KessKyun



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Angst, Gen, Suicide Attempt, based on new years 2019 event, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-11-04 12:12:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17898224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KessKyun/pseuds/KessKyun
Summary: I want to dance with them again.I want to sing with them again.I want to smile with them again!--------------------------------Otoya doesn't want to die anymore he just wanted the ticking to stop, to see his friends smile.





	The Final Countdown

The clock is always ticking. A countdown to the next year is coming to an end in a few hours from now. The room is silent. The kotatsu covered in the remains of food, a soft breeze floating through from the open window, gently shaking the cherry blossom from the shelve in the Japanese styled room… Ranmaru-senpai’s lying down on the red cushions, his breaths are even and peaceful. The glasses slightly slipping off his face as he turns. It makes me wonder, what would he be doing if I wasn’t here right now? It’s a really nice day today with the sun shining brightly. I twiddle my chopsticks around  
the sushi on my plate, I’ve already eaten enough though… 

The forest outside the shrine is pretty too. The winter air pushing against the remaining leaves was calming. I wanted it to snow today but the sun is nice and everyone else was happy, so I’m happy too! What are they all up to right now? Last year I was doing calligraphy with Ren and Camus-senpai, that was fun! However, I guess I’m pretty lonely without everyone here. Maybe I’ll leave them be and go on a walk around the shrine…? Leaning over I munch down on the sushi almost forgotten, a rustle and a groan come from the other side of the warm kotatsu. 

“Yo… Otoya,” Ranmaru-senpai says as he pulls himself up from the crimson cushions. Stretching a little bit before managing to sit up and grant me a tired smile.

“G’morning Ranmaru-senpai!” I tease slightly, grinning back at him. People worry when I don’t… “Did you enjoy your nap?” 

“Yeah,” he knocks the glasses back up from the bridge of his nose, I can’t help but chuckle a bit as he notices the remains on his plate from before, swiftly grabbing the chopsticks and diving back into his food.

“It’s gotten a bit cold now, does it still taste nice?” I ask. Ranmaru-senpai gives me a nod. Smirking as he chews. He lifts his hand slightly, pointing at the tempura in the box close to me. 

“Lemme try some of that,” A laugh a little, grabbing a bit of the battered seafood with my chopsticks, lifting it up to his face. He doesn’t hesitate to take it, biting half of it off from my own chop sticks. I decide to eat a bit more too. We shouldn’t let the food go to waste after all… Its quiet despite the clicking of chopsticks and the light rustles from the kotaku. Ranmaru-senpai only needs sleep, food and music to be content, he isn’t hard to please. He doesn’t need to be around people all the time to be happy. Unlike me…

“When did you get up anyway?” I look up at him. I told him we’d both take a nap, I wasn’t tried though, so I ended up just left alone with my thoughts. The bassist wasn’t looking at me as he spoke choosing to bite into the mandarin oranges I brought. 

“Ahh, not much longer before you did actually!” I’m lying straight through my teeth. I can’t trouble anyone by starting to make them worry, especially not today. “You were right resting in the early afternoon does make you feel refreshed!” 

“Hmm,” He was finally looking at me, he looked a bit suspicious. Did I stutter without realising it? “You look a bit more tired than before… I only suggested it because I thought you’d be the first to sleep before midnight,”

“Hey!” I shouted, playfully throwing a cushion at him as he chuckles. I’m not the best liar so I’m glad he never saw through me… I’m feeling happier now that I’ve managed to make Ranmaru-senpai laugh though.

“How long has it been anyway?” Ranmaru-senpai’s plate was now spotless, everything gone. He placed the chopsticks down on top of the empty plate. He stretched a bit I felt his foot softly hit my own under the warmth of the blanket. I take my gaze to the clock that’s counting down. 

“Around an hour,” replying as I sit my chopsticks down on my own plate.

“You wanna go now? We can wait until you’ve finished that first though,” He asks standing up nodding his head down to the still half full plate. I shake my head.

“No, it’s alright, let’s go check out the rest of the festival together, Ranmaru-senpai!” Pulling myself to my feet, walking towards the door to outside the shrine.

*

Everywhere outside is colourful and light, the sun is still shimmering down. It’s not overly crowded but I can’t see anyone else in STARISH or QUARTET NIGHT around… I guess it’s just me and Ranmaru-senpai making our wishes together. Ranmaru rang the bell first, making his wish before standing aside to let myself, pray for the new year. But as I hold the rope it suddenly hits me, I don’t know what I wish for this year. I might as well just wish for my friend’s happiness, right? I do want them all to be happy after all!  
At some point I got lost in my exploration of the festivities and couldn’t see Ranmaru-senpai anywhere. I still didn’t see the rest of our friends either. It’s not fun being alone like this, but I’m sure they’re having fun wherever they are, doing whatever they’re doing. Maybe I should try have a bit of fun too…? I won’t be as fun without them all of course, but I should be allowed to try entertain myself too. I hope… 

There’s so much going on though. I don’t know where to start… My head turns frantically looking for something interesting, before deciding on trying out the fortune slips. I stroll over to the stall with the slips, grabbing some random one. I wonder what kind of year it’ll be! I hope it won’t turn out to be wrong… I open the slip and look down at the paper. ‘Excellent Luck’. Luck is honestly what I need right now so it’s to see it! Oh… There’s Ranmaru-senpai! He looks like he’s having a lot of fun with the Lion Dance. I can’ give an exact reason why but it fits him really well.

“Ranmaru-senpai, look, look!” older boy turned to look at me, still with his euphoric grin of his face. “Tada! The fortune slip says I’m gonna have excellent luck this year!”  
“That’s awesome Otoya, I’m sure its gonna be a great year for you, let have a jam session when we get back home alright!” He grins at me, pocketing his green cloth, he raises his hand slightly. “Care to join me?” 

“Alright!” I say grabbing his hand joining in with the traditional dance. It’s really fun! Out of the corner of my eye I spot Ren, Natsuki and Shou, walking back down from the badminton field covered in markers. The rest of our group slowly started to show up as we all decided to explore the festival together. Everyone was laughing and having fun, I’m glad they’re all smiling. I’m glad they’re all laughing. I’m glad I’m just letting them be happy and not getting in their way. They don’t need me to be around to be happy after all. 

*

Back in the dorms the ticking of the clock is louder than before… Tokiya was reading by the window while Rei-chan was finished getting changed into his kimono for the final countdown. Tokiya had a simple smile on his face his focus locked into his book. It was the one Masato gave him for Christmas, they seem to have fun trading books. Sometimes Camus-senpai joins them as well, if he’s feeling up to it. Tokiya’s kimono is really pretty. The blue fits him so well! I wonder if Tokiya was looking for me earlier… He was the one who searched the most for me before, according to Shou… I wonder if Tokiya would care if I went missing again… A slap of a door hitting the wall knocked all the thoughts out of my mind as I turn to face the door. A small thump could be heard from the window, as tokiya leaned down to pick up his book, focusing his eyes on the door. 

“Otoyan, Toki! How do I look?” He grinned at us, now wearing his green kimono from last year. Apparently, he’d agreed with Ai that they would change into their fancier kimono for the countdown with their friends. His kimono was green with some yellow around the edges, he also had his umbrella hanging in his hand beside him.

“Kotobuki-senpai, I don’t think the umbrella is necessary…” Tokiya sighed. He rose from the window placing the book on his desk before walking back to the window to put back the chair. He didn’t make it back before Rei-chan grabbed him pulling him into a hug. 

“Toki, if we’re going to wear our new years outfits we have to go all out!” Tokiya proceeded to sigh again before lightly tugging away Rei-chan’s arm. 

“You still don’t need to use it,” he shook his head at the older boy. Tokiya always seemed annoyed with Rei-chan’s antics but I know he loves him at heart. Like – I hope – he does me…. “Kotobuki-senpai, I doubt Mikaze-senpai will bring his umbrella either.” 

“Aww, Toki, you’re so mean to me!” Rei-chan faked a frown, like he always does to Tokiya’s cold comments, before turning to face me. “Otoyan, what do you thing?” 

“Huh? Well, I think Tokiya has a point, but you can bring it if you want to Rei-chan!” I giggled as Rei-chan thanked me before turning to bicker with Tokiya again.  
Those two always seem to argue over something, it’s never really serious but I don’t like seeing them sad. It makes it feel like I’ve done something wrong… I’ve failed at making them smile… They both tell me I don’t need to smile all the time, that I can cry when I’m sad, but I don’t want to do that. I don’t want them to see my cry, I don’t want to bother them. I know they love me and I know they’d insist that I wasn’t a bother, but I know they’re both busy and have their own problems to deal with. Being an idol is busy and stressful after all… I’ve known Tokiya for years now and I know he wouldn’t push me away if I wanted to talk about this feeling, but I still can’t bring myself to. I’ve known Rei-chan for less time, but he’s always been an older brother to me. He might even be better at helping me cope with my loneliness, but I know he’s also lonely so I can’t pressure him like that. I have to stay strong for both of them. For STARISH and QUARTET NIGHT. For our fans. But sometimes, I just don’t want to be strong anymore… the ticking began to fill my head and I want to make it stop. It keeps getting louder. Louder, Louder-

“Otoyan! What are you thinking about in that little head of yours?” I snap out of my head to look up at Rei-chan calling me out. Tokiya stood over at the door with a soft smile on his face. 

“Otoya, come on it’s time to go now, or else we’re going to be the last ones there,” Oh right, we were going to watch the fireworks with our friends on the countdown. Ringo-senpai and Hyuuga-senpai are going to be there, Haruka even brought Tomochika along with her too. Even more people to forget about me… 

“R-right! Let’s go then!” I cheer jumping up from my place on the bed as Rei-chan and I bounce over to Tokiya, who just shakes his head.

“You two are always so filled with life,” he chuckled before leaving the room and chasing us down the hallway.

*

“Hey!” Shou called for us as we walked over to the group. Everyone was there already, they all turn around to smile and wave at us as we walked over. Soon enough the whole group start chatting and having fun. The chatter filled the whole field. Everyone was lost in some sort of conversation. Camus-senpai and Ranmaru-senpai were bickering like always, while Rei-chan and Ai-senpai tried to calm them. Natsuki and Shou were laughing with each other with Cecil joining in too, Masato and Tokiya were lost in a conversation about book, which it seems Ren enjoys too, Haruka and Tomochika were catching up after a lot time apart and Ringo-senpai and Hyuuga-senpai had taken to sitting down on the grass and relaxing.  
Usually I wouldn’t hesitate to join in with Natuski and Shou’s jokes, but I didn’t feel like it. Seeing my friends so happy was enough for me. I really want to be one of the people that can make them smile, but times like these make it seem like they don’t need me. If I was just to leave and disappear right now would they care…? Rising from my spot on the grass I decide to leave. Go walk around the shrine to clear off the poison my head…

“Yo, Otoya where you going?” Shou called up to me as the rest of the group have all their focus on me. I can’t let them worry, I can’t bother them with my own problems. Not today. Not right now. Not when everyone is supposed to be happy and filled with laughter. 

“O-Ohh, I-I just forgot my phone back at the shrine, a-and well, I’ll probably forget later if I don’t go now,” I shake my hands trying to reassure the pairs of eyes all on me. 

“I thought I told you we didn’t need to rush out?” Ranamaru scoffed, shaking his head. “I’ll go back with you,” He said starting to get up.

“O-Oh no, it’s alright, I can go myself! Thank you though Ranmaru-senpai!” The older boy standing in front of me clicked his tongue, flicking my forehead.

“Just try to remember stuff next time, alright,” He said proceeding to sit back down with Rei-chan and Ai-senpai. 

“Hurry back, Otoya, you don’t want to miss the fireworks,” Tokiya called out with a smile. His eyes were warm and kind. They didn’t show any concern. However, his tone did. It wasn’t shaking or showed particularly worry, but I just knew. I could just tell he didn’t believe me… So, I give him a grin like I always do.

“Alright, Tokiya!” I shout before skipping off until I knew I was out of range. I pace slowed down as I made my way into the forest behind the shrine. There were only a few stray leaves with it being late winter but they crunched under my sandals. The cool breeze drifts by, pushing my hair away, hitting against my kimono. It’s really dark in here… I don’t like the dark… It’s lonely here… But it’s better than hurting my friends… My feet continue to walk without my head focusing on what I’m doing or where I’m going. So, I find myself now at the top of a hill. It’s really high up. Below is a beach, the sand dancing around in the winter air and the waves hitting against the sand swiftly. It looks so pretty. I’m not sure how I got over to the other side of the railing, but I’m here now with my sandals placed beside the tree. I drag my gaze skyward into the night, the stars sparkle bright against the dark sky. The more I stare at the stars, the more colourful they start to become. There’s a blue star, yellow star,  
purple star, orange star, pink star and a green star. They look so pretty up there together. 

They remind me of my friends… 

The blue star is Masa. Masa was one of my first friends as we started A class together, he’s really kind and loves to help me, he’s taught me so much. I love seeing him eat melon bread he looks so happy. He also looked really happy during the summer water fight, but even more so, I love singing with him, and I know he enjoys it too. 

The yellow star is Natsuki. Natsuki was also my classmate back in A class. I remember the time I tried to cook with him and Shou, it didn’t really work out but he was happy. However, the happiest I’ve ever seen him was during out duet project. The play we stared in together was so fun, I wish I could do it again one day, I know he’d love it too!

The orange star is Ren. Ren is really helpful to me as well. Especially during our Spanish photo shoot, he always is willing to help out and gives really great advice for modelling. He’s one of my greatest friends. I’m so glad he finally appreciates music. He now always loves singing and seeing him sing always cheers me up as well!

The green star is Cecil. Cecil joined our group last, but he’s like a younger brother to me! He’s so passionate about music and I love hearing him sing! I’m so glad he decided to stay and sing with us! STARISH just wouldn’t be the same without him now!

The blue star could also be Camus-senpai. I don’t have the best relationship with him, but he’s always willing to help me, like during the Pirates of The Frontier recording, even when he bickered with Ranmaru-senpai, he would also be willing to help me. He taught me a lot and even gave me a slice of his cake after the recording! He can’t be all that bad in that case. He only ever smiles on stage, but even if he isn’t smiling, I can tell how passionate he is about his music and it’s amazing!

The purple star could be Ai-senpai. I’m not the closest with him, I never get the chance to work with him, but he is helpful and has helped me out a few times with dance steps, I wonder if I can get a project with him one day! 

The red star could be Ranmaru-senpai. I always have fun with Ranmaru-senpai! He taught me how to play bass as well, I’m obvious not as good as him but he’s a great teacher! I’ve done a lot of fun projects with Ranmaru-senpai. We did the advertisement for the lipstick, he was so good at getting the sexy atmosphere, he’s always so cool! And I worked with him during the Pirates of The Frontier too! I had so much fun singing with him! And then there was today, when we had the meal together it was so much just to chat and laugh about everything. I want to smile and laugh again with him one day!

The pink star is Shou. Shou is my best friend of all time! I don’t know what I’d do without him! The New Years show with him last year was so much fun! And so was the sports day! I love playing games with Shou and we have all the same comic and movie interests! He’s always so energetic and having fun. I love making him smile and seeing him laugh. I know we’ll be best friends forever and ever!

The green star could also be Rei-chan. I love Rei-chan! He’s like an older brother to me, he’s taught me all I know about being an idol. When I got to sing Hyper Super Lover with him it was so much fun! We had the game show before that performance and playing the game with him was amazing! He taught me some amazing dance steps and taught me how to hit hard notes. He’s always there to support me and I love him for that! He’s always smiling and I want to keep him like that!

And then the purple star is mainly Tokiya… Tokiya means the world to me. He’s my most treasured friend. He always wants to look out for me and support me… I know we never got along at first but now I know I don’t want to be without him. He taught me how to write lyrics, and when we wrote roulette we sat down together and had fun with it! Roulette might be my favourite sing because of Tokiya! After the events with Eiichi during the duet projects, Tokiya told me to talk to him… He said he wanted to know exactly how I’m feeling so nothing like this happens again. He told me to cry and show all my other emotions than smiling… and yet I never have… I’ve let Tokiya down… 

But I can make it up to him! 

These colourful stars… My friends… They’ve always been here for me! I love them all! They’re always here to support me and cheer me on. I can make it up to Tokiya, I can go cry to him… tell him how I feel… my friends don’t want me to be strong, they want me to be happy. Just like I want them to always be happy as well! Even when I felt lost and alone as a child, I’m now the person I am today and it’s all thanks to my friends! 

“Ten!” the countdown! I’m going to be late I have to hurry!

“Nine!” I force my bare foot against the railing in a rush.

“Eight!” Wait no, my kimono is caught…

“Seven!” No! my foot slipped!

“Six!” I have to hold on. I have to pull myself up… I have to get back to my friends, I need to finish the countdown with them!

“Five!” I let go. 

“Four!” I didn’t want to!

“Three!” I want to dance with them again!

“Two!” I want to sing with them again!

“One!” I want to smile with them again!

“Happy new year!” I can’t hear it anymore. Everything is silent. The stars from the sky fade from my eyes, the red star in the centre fading away. And finally, I can’t see anything and I can’t hear anything,  
the ticking stopped with the countdown.

*

“Kotobuki-senpai! Is he back yet?” The fireworks stopped but I wasn’t there to see them. I was looking for Otoya. He said he went to the shrine but he was no where to be found. I should have asked Ranmaru-senpai to go with him anyway… I knew he’d been acting strange all day, but I never would have expected him to disappear entirely… 

“No, he’s not back yet Toki… I thought you would’ve found him… I hoped you would’ve found him…” Kotobuki-senpai looked just as worried as I did… Shou was going mad it as well… Natsuki was trying to calm him down despite being just as worried… Ranmaru looked even more angry than usual muttering some curses under his breath… 

“Everyone, we need to go find him!” All eyes were now on me, they all nodded pairing up to hunt him down. We needed to find him. We needed to find our friend! Everyone was now gone, off to look for Otoya, leaving behind just me. I didn’t want to move, I wanting to close my eyes and open them to find the guitarist smiling before me. It wouldn’t work, I had to find him myself. 

As so I did. I did find him… I didn’t know it at first when I saw the figure, lying back down in the sand, the water splashing against them. I didn’t know it was him until I was his lifeless face… His eyes were closed and he looked peaceful… but he wasn’t…

“T-T-Tokiya!” A voice from above called up. There stood Shou followed by Natsuki. He held up a pair of sandals. The same sandals Otoya had wore before. The panic and fear rose up within me again, taking a few steps back before falling back onto the sand, waves hitting against me. I can’t believe it… I didn’t believe it. I don’t want to believe it! He promised to talk to me… He promised he would be okay… I wanted him to be okay. I want to see his smile again! I want to hear his laughter! I want him to call out my name! But he won’t… he can’t anymore… And it hurt. And it hurts. And it won’t stop hurting. 

“Shou, Natsuki! Call an ambulance!” Was there even time? Was there even a point? Would they even be able to help him? I don’t know. But I have to try, I can’t let him die… Not like this… If I survived, then there’s a chance he can too! I refuse to let him die!

I don’t know what’s happening anymore. The sirens are getting louder and louder. Just like the ticking that never ends… I don’t know if the wetness is the ocean or my tears, and I don’t care anymore, I just want to see him smile again.

**Author's Note:**

> Uhhhh... i haven't written fanfics since i was 14 maybe... sooo its not good i know that.... im bad at getting in character.... im sorry... i dont want him to get hurt... don't hurt my boyf im sorry ;u;  
> also i know the formatting and language suck urgh i could've and should've used better words and the formatting is bc im just copy and pasting it from word doc like look mate idk how ao3 works i just use it to read mostly  
> also idk which pair i was pressing here i love tokioto and ranoto sooo take both if ya want?


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